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Dave Jones was getting worried that all his players were rubbish,
so he phoned up a decent manager to ask for advice. Alex Ferguson
explained that he got all the United players to dribble round cones,
thus improving their close ball control. He suggested Dave try this.
Two weeks later, Fergie rang back to see how the they were coping
with the new system. When he answered the phone, though, Jones was
still annoyed. "Didn't my suggestion work?" asked Alex.
"Flaming cones beat us 3-0" muttered Jones.
What
is the difference between Southampton and a triangle? A triangle
has three points.
Q:
What's the difference between Southampton and an albatross?
A: An albatross has got two decent wings.
David
Jones walked into the Nationwide Building Society one day whilst
a robbery was in progressOne of the robbers hit him over the head
and knocked Jones out Whilst coming around, Jones said "Where
am I" One of the staff told him he was in the Nationwide Jones
replied "Is it May already then!
Southampton have sacked David Jones and employed a new Chinese manager.
His name: Win One Soon
Why does David Jones keep visiting Argos? Because that is the only
way he can pick up any Premier points!
A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to
live with them anymore The judge said to him "Why don't you
want to live with your dad? Because he beats me" said the little
boy Why don't you want to live with your mum then? asked the judge
Because she also beats me. "Oh" said the judge "Well
who would you like to live with then? The little boy replied"
I would like to live with Southampton FC, because they don't beat
anyone!!
After a hard conference, four surgeons are knocking back the Remy
Martin while discussing their favourite patients.The first surgeon
says"accountants are best,because when you open them up everything
inside is numbered"."No"said the next surgeon,"Librarians
are best,because eveything inside them is in alphabetical order"
"you ought to try an electrician" says the third,by now
a little worse for wear,"everything inside them is colour coded!"
But the fourth surgeon says "I prefer SCUMMERS,they're heartless,spineless,gutless,and
their heads and their arses are interchangeable
What have General Pinochet and SFC got in common?
They
both round people up into football stadiums and torture them!
A farmer from just outside of Southampton died and went to hell.
Once there, the Devil was trying to figure out what kind of work
to give him for the rest of eternity, so he decided to have him
split rocks with the temperature set at about 30 celcius.Later that
day, the devil came by to see how he was doing and was surprised
to find him happily going about his work of splitting rocks. When
asked why he was so happy, the farmer replied, "Reminds me
of the time on my farm clearing the fields to plant new crops. I
loved that".
The devil was upset, so he trurned up the heat another ten degrees,
gave the farmer a shovel and had him clean out hell's sewage system,
thinking surely that would be a terrible fate to have to spend in
eternity. At the end of the day, the devil came back to check on
the farmer who was smiling even more broadly at this time. When
asked why he was so happy, the farmeer replied, "I love this
job. It reminds me of cleaning out the cow shed on my wonderful
farm".
The devil ws even angrier, but he had a plan. He sent the farmer
back to the rock pile with a hammer twice as heavy as before, but
turned the heat down until it was 30 degrees below zero. That would
surely fix the farmer he thought.When the devil came back he was
horrified to find the farmer not only smiling from ear to ear, but
also singing a song, and dancing a jig. The extremely puzzled devil
said "I don't understand it. I have given you three terrible
jobs to do for eternity, but you are as happy as if you were in
heaven. What's going on?" At this, the farmer replied, "It's
a cold day in Hell.
Southampton must have won the F.A. Cup!"
More Jokes Here....
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