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Today is Lucas Radebe's 26th birthday and he will be having a meal
with his team-mates tonight. However, they will have to eat with
their hands as they have no silverware
Q:
What's the difference between Nigel Martyn and a taxi driver?
A: A taxi driver only lets in four at a time.
Q:
What's the difference between a Pyromaniac and Leeds football club?
A: A Pyromaniac wouldn't throw away all his matches!
Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing?
A: It's five past three.
There
was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked
if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man
got up and said that he could tell a Leeds joke.
Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, don`t do
that. I`m a Leeds fan."
The guide looked at him and said, "That`s okay. We`ll explain
it to you afterwards."
Martyn
is so distraught after his latest blunder that he decides to end
it all. He walks straight out of Elland Road and throws himself
down in front of a number 9 bus. Luckily, it passes under him.
Q:
What do you call a Leeds fan with lots of girlfriends?
A: A Shepherd
What do you call a Leeds fan in a 3 bedroom semi?
A
burglar
Why
do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Leeds?
Did you hear about the Conservative MP who was found dead in a Leeds
U strip?
The
police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save
his family from the embarassment.
What
do you say to a United fan with a job?
"Can
I have a Big Mac!"
Q) What has 70,000 arms and an IQ of 170
A)
Elland road on every other Saturday
A nurse at Leeds General Infirmary told an industrial tribunalhow
she tried to stop the fight between two top doctors which resulted
in one of them being sacked by the hospital."I pulled them
apart" said sexy Jane Adams, 21, "and could see Dr Jones
was in tears. I asked him what it was about and he sobbed 'It's
that man on D-ward, you know, that one with the Man United pyjamas.
Doctor Smith has just told him that he's only got two weeks left
to live'. I told him there was nothing more we could do for him
and he had to be told. Dr Jones said 'I know that, but I wanted
to tell the bastard'" The incident follows a complaint from
a patient in September of last year when Dr Jones told a cancer
victim he had some good news and some bad news "The bad news
is you're going to die" "and the good news ?" asked
the downcast patient "we beat the scum 2-1 !"
Three football fans were driving along when they spied a body in
the undergrowth. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over
to see what they could do. Unfortunately, they found the nude body
of a deceased young woman. Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped
his Derby hat over one breast. The second guy, a Leicester
City fan, placed his hat over the other breast. The Leeds fan then
placed his hat over the woman's very private part. Soon the police
arrived. The coroner started checking over the body. He picked
up the Derby hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked
up the City hat and returned it. Then he picked up the Leeds fans
hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat
more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a
third time. By this time, the Leeds fan was a bit irritated and
he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you
some kind of pervert or something?". The coroner responded
with a wry smile, "Son, I can't figure this one out.
Usually when I come across one of these Leeds hats, there's
an arsehole under it."
Leeds
chairmen Peter Ridsdale is walking down the street when he sees
an old women struggling with her shopping: Ridsdale: Can you manage
love? Old lady: F*ck off - I don't want the job either!
Sir Walker and Peter Ridsdale are standing on a balcony. They are
surrounded by Leicester City and Leeds fans. Ridsdale says to Walker
"I bet I can make these Leeds fans go wild". Walker tells
him to go on so he lifts his hands up and waves to the crowd. As
expected the leeds fans go wild and start chanting. Walker looks
at him and says "That's fantastic but I bet I can make the
City fans go even more wild. Ridsdale laughs and tells him to have
a go. Walker turns round and headbutts Ridsdale and then shouts
"F*ck off you can't have O'Neill". The City fans go wild!
More
Jokes Here....
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